LUCY’S ANNUAL CHRISTMAS LETTER (2012)

Dig this photo, dudes!  That’s how I talk now because I’m a celeb.  This picture of me was named Photo of the Day on the Channel 9 News one day this summer, and that’s as big as it gets around here.  (Unless, your Jim Boeheim’s dog, maybe.)  It was a very hot day, as you can probably guess, and I had fallen asleep on some wet gravel with my head on a landscape timber.  It just goes to show you never know when your 15 minutes of fame will come bounding up and lick you right in the face!

You may be wondering about my health.  Dr. Chapman and the cool staff at Fayetteville Veterinary Hospital take great care of me. My daily med regimen includes one kidney pill, two thyroid pills, one glucosamine, and two shots of insulin.  I also got a leg sprain, but it is getting better.  All things considered, I am doing well and do not have bad breath or smelly gas, both health issues that plague so many of my species.

I’ve made lots of new friends since last Christmas.  I know Garrett, Griffin, Gwyneth, Dana, and Michelle from the bus stop.  They are people.  I also like to visit with Nancy, Tom and Beth O’Neill (also people), and Beth’s two Morkies named Winnie and Teddy.  They are dogs.

No big traveling this year for me, thank goodness.  My people, who you may remember are named Greg and Linda, went to Myrtle Beach last winter for a week, and I happily stayed with Camille and Jim at the Bed and Bowl.  I hate riding in a car for hour after hour! I pant like in a thunderstorm.  Plus, Linda’s always telling Greg how to drive, and Greg is always saying, “Linda!!  Please!”  It drives me crazy and makes me pant even harder.  I also stayed with Jim and Camille when Greg and Linda flew to Orlando.  I wouldn’t mind visiting the Mouse, but you’d never get me on one of those airplanes.  I’m afraid of the height of our front step, for pete sake!

Most often these days, you can find me chained to the tree in the front yard of our house.  Now, I really don’t need to be chained.  I wouldn’t go anywhere.  But they got laws, you see, like chain your dog and pick up her poop on a walk.  I leave those poops in strategic places because I want other dogs to know I was there, but Greg is right behind me with a TOPS bag picking them up.  Anyway, from the front yard, I can keep an eye on the neighborhood and bark hello to everyone who passes by.

Someone asked me once, “Would you date a pit bull?”  Of course, I would if he had been brought up in a kind household as I was brought up in.  I believe in nurture over nature. Truthfully, I like my male dogs smaller and hairier than pit bulls.  I’m in love with Max Smolnycki.  He is a cute little Maltese, and he dotes on me.  Below is a picture of Max kissing me under the kitchen table in my house.  Notice my smile!  I’d like to visit him more often, but going to other people’s houses makes me nervous.

It’s time to close this holiday greeting to all my friends--canine, human, and feline.  Special howl-o out to my new cousin Marvin, a cute little hound, who Jan and Chris saved from a kill shelter.  I haven’t met him yet.  I understand he has a little growing up to do.  Get with it, Marv, so we can hang out!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everybody!  Happy Howlidays to all!  I woof you all so much.  Here’s a slobbery kiss for each of you. xxxxxxxxxxxx

Lucy

P.S.  Merry shout-outs to my other unmentioned human, dog and cat relatives and friends including Dunkin, Dan and Jill, Don and Ellen and my California cousins, Aunt Claire, Uncle Tim and Tuxedo, Ken, Andrew and Anna and Marshall and Mason, Maggie and Cole, Tom and Heidi and Lily and Grayson, Abby, Mat and Murphy, any extra dogs in the Sollame house, Grandma and Pappap and all the Webster gang, all the Hershey gang, and Nana.

Lucy’s 2012 Christmas Photo

THE TALES OF LUCY: a medical/canine soap opera

When Lucy was a puppy, she was a nerd. Every other puppy she played with beat her up. Had there been puppy gym classes she would have been chosen last. At about 6 months, the vet diagnosed her with displasia of the the left hind leg, No more playing with rough puppies for Lucy. She began to take cosequin, and her leg improved.

A couple of years went well and then it became very apparent that Lucy's girth was expanding rapidly. She was ravenous as all labs are but. . .Tests revealed that her thyroid didn't work. Lucy went on thyroid meds, and though she didn't lose weight, she had a lot more energy running to her bowl.

A year or two passed and Lucy began walking around with her head down like Eeyore. Dr. Chapman told us she had an inflamed disc in her neck, common to labs. Anti-inflammatories cleared it. . .both times it struck.

Then about a year ago came the piece de resistance--Lucy was diabetic. Twice a day we inject her with insulin. She kisses us while we do it.

Then this week, she started to throw up after she took a drink. $250 in x-rays and tests, (she kissed the vet techs as they worked to draw blood from her roly poly veins), showed she had severe gastritis. Heavy duty antibiotics are prescribed.

Ah, well. . .Lucy is the least healthy but the sweetest dog we have had. She dog smiles through her medicated world, her butt wiggling happily. She remains a nerd, too. Today on a walk, she fell on her side in submission when a little poodle growled.

A Modest Proposal for Education in the New Millennium

I am so tired of hearing and reading about the supposed wreck that is our public educational system. I am equally tired of the politicians and pundits who try to blame all of society’s financial ills on the cost of public education, in particular, the salaries and benefits paid to teachers and administrators. Let me first say, that I do not believe that all schools are failing the children they are responsible to educate. I think the kids that go to school in Chittenango, or Cazenovia, or Fayetteville-Manlius, or Canastota, or so many other places across the country are receiving excellent educations. I have seen so many of these young people going off to college, to employment, to the military and becoming successful citizens.

I guess I understand the education critics need to paint all school systems with the same brush, though. An equal education for every child, after all, is part of the American promise and the American dream. But, most people aren’t very old when they realize that every promise can’t be fulfilled. And like many dreams, the reality of every child being brought to the same level of learning, may be approachable, but is not reachable. The concept of absolute equality in all things for everyone is cleverly presented in Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.’s satire “Harrison Bergeron,” a short story about a world where no citizen is any smarter or stronger or better looking or more talented at singing or at anything else than any other citizen. Why? Because the residents of this Vonnegut world are all perfectly mediocre.

Because I taught for many years and still have opportunities to work with young people, I would like to make a modest proposal on a way of making the high school educational experience more effective. I wouldn’t consider commenting on elementary or middle school education, because I don’t have experience in those areas. . . And, yes, I know that doesn’t stop a lot of people. Still my modest proposal will concern grades 9-12 only. I would also like to make some suggestions about funding education, salary schedules, and teacher contracts at all grade levels.

I am borrowing the term “modest proposal” from Jonathan Swift, author of “Gulliver’s Travels” and a marvelous satirist. The “Modest Proposal” that Swift penned was a method to end the starvation in Ireland due to the potato famine, which had begun in 1847. Swift’s solution? The Irish should eat their babies. Of course, he didn’t mean it. He was being satiric. No sane person accepted this proposal as an actual option. That’s the same thing I know will happen to my “modest proposal.” People will probably considerate it ridiculous or think I’m just kidding. I’m not.

I’m going to try organizing this proposal in a list. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll change it later. So. . .

1. Disband the state education departments completely. Tell the Feds to bug out, too. The only educational function of state and federal government will be the collection and fair distribution of tax money. Stop wasting money on devising “one size fits all ways” to evaluate teachers; they won’t work. Immediately stop requiring any of the ridiculous competency style tests that are now in place; that includes Regents exams. No longer suggest that students take the SAT’s or any other entrance exam. BY DOING THESE THINGS, MOST OF THE PROBLEMS FACED BY MANY DISTRICTS WILL BE IMMEDIATELY RESOLVED AND TEACHERS WILL FINALLY BE ABLE TO TRULY TEACH THEIR CHARGES.
2. Make education a local creation. States cannot innovate. They are big dinosaurs rumbling along, sticking their long necks and big noses into stuff, and knocking everything over in their paths. Innovation needs to come locally. Please, nobody say “It takes a village,” or I’ll beat you about the shoulders with a volume of “Overused and Silly Statements.” This is not an opportunity for special interest groups to try to change curricula. This isn’t about religious or political beliefs. It’s about solid education and the core curricula that exist should remain in place. I suggest that schools be divided by counties. Within a county, each school will have at least one partner school with which to interact and plan. Each community school will have an elected board of education and each county will have a board made up of one person from each school district. The functions of these boards need to be decided by the communities they represent. I would suggest that the county boards of education be in charge of establishing a countywide salary schedule. I further would suggest that county boards work together to establish a statewide salary schedule factoring in cost of living differences in various parts of the state. In other words, a teacher is still going to make more money on Long Island, but it is not going to be ridiculously out of line with the rest of the state. If $50,000 were deemed the state base starting salary, and it was determined that it cost 10% more to live on the island, then base pay at Oceanside or Great Neck would be $55,000.
3. .Let’s get this one out of the way now. Eliminate tenure. Teachers love it, but it ticks the rest of the world off, and in 33 years of teaching, I never knew a teacher who needed the protection of tenure. If you’re willing to work hard, you’ll be fine. You might be under-appreciated, but you won’t lose your job. And the elimination of tenure doesn’t have to make it easy for a John Birch Society psycho, who happens to get on the school board by some freak of mis-election, to fire teachers with liberal bents. (It could be a liberal wacko, too, gunning for conservatives.) For a teacher to lose a job, he will have to be deemed incompetent by a committee of four, two teachers and two board members. Termination will only come by a unanimous vote. Two or three votes to terminate will place a teacher on a one year probation, in which he must receive assistance in improving his performance. After the year, he will be reevaluated. It goes without saying that the members of this performance committee must be absolutely committed to top notch instruction in their district, and not be swayed by any outside agendas. The only termination that can be made by administrators alone will be those on moral/criminal grounds.
4. My next suggestion goes counter to the American Way. Make schools be ONLY ABOUT ACADEMICS. Do away with interscholastic athletics. I didn’t say do away with athletics, though. Each school district needs to develop a community sports/activities program, which can begin functioning at 3:30 in the afternoon. You can still try to beat JD, but your coaching and uniforms and scheduling and officials, etc., will be provided by a community sports group. The school system will still have a role in athletics. They will maintain facilities, gyms, athletic fields, and auditoriums. Those facilities will be in use during the day for physical education. In the evening, they will be taken over by the community sports/activities union. Let me say here, that I love interscholastic sports and have always been a supporter of our school teams. I have been long troubled by the fact, though, that there are people who enter education because they want to coach more than they want to teach. And I am more troubled by the fact that the ability to coach is given great importance in hiring. “We should hire this guy because he’s got his degree, and hey, he really wants to coach!” That’s fine for a phys. ed. candidate, but in the classroom, I want that guy to be hired because he had a great student teaching evaluation, loved it, and can’t wait to work with kids Some people will claim that the removal of athletics from the high school will take away the chance for athletic scholarships. Not so. The college people can still feed on high school athletes through the community sports competitions. Where is it written that high schools should be worrying about being the feeder system for college athletics? Plus, how many people do you know who have gotten athletic scholarships? This isn’t Alabama or Texas. If a kid wants a scholarship then he or she will have a far better chance by working part-time at Wegman’s. Let’s divorce academics from organized athletic competition. I really think that there will be more opportunity for participation in this kind of arrangement. There could be a varsity Chittenango basketball and a varsity Bridgeport basketball team in this scenario, and in other sports, too. Another thing that will annoy some is the need for a “pay to play” clause. The athletic associations must be tax funded, but a part of the bill must also be picked up by the athletes’ families. A 70 year-old on a fixed income should be required to help fund academics, but his funding of athletics and other extracurricular kinds of activities should be partially underwritten by the athletic consumers.
5. Now to the activities side of the community organization. Put drama productions out of the school, too. They can be funded by the same community organization. Although I feel that plays and musicals are academic, for the creation of this education plan, let them be classified with athletics as activities unnecessary within the school day. Music, though, needs to stay as it is. Music is basic to so many fields artistic, scientific, and mathematical, that it needs to stay both as a teaching tool and a form of shared performance.
6. Now to the organization of the academic day in my “ideal” school. Let high school truly be the door to college. As freshman, students with the aid of their parents, will choose a degree path to begin. High school will offer three degree tracks: an Apprentice of Arts, an Apprentice of Science, or an Apprentice of the Practical/Mechanical/Technical. The apprentice of the arts degree will be for students seeking careers in humanities/communication/entertainment/visual arts/foreign language fields and such. The apprentice of science degree for students looking to work in mathematics, engineering, chemistry, medicine, computer science, the environment, and some business fields. The apprentice of the practical/mechanical/technical will be for students who wish to work as electricians, carpenters, plumbers, computer programmers, computer repair, and so on in the service fields that are so necessary for our society to function. The first two years will be similar in each program with writing and literature classes, biology or earth science, algebra and geometry, history and language. Study paths will be made specific depending on a students area of inerest. When one matriculates at the end of the sophomore year, the curriculum he or she faces becomes more specific. In the arts, studies in literature, history, social sciences, music and foreign language. In science, studies aimed at academic knowledge in mathematics, biology, chemistry, physics, geology, or computer studies. Those in the practical/technical/mechanical program will have the option of choosing a two year program in general contracting which will focus on construction techniques, particularly, electricity, plumbing, carpentry, and simple architecture or a program in the technical fields including drafting, computer programming, and computer repair. Much of the senior year in all fields, as I envision things, will see those students in the work force or on college campuses, interning or taking college classes for at least half of each day. I have lots of ideas for academic sequences in the arts, but they would take too long to outline. I’d be thrilled to hear the academic sequences that math and science teachers, businesspersons, builders, and contractors could devise. Creating this academic format will put to rest the silly comparisons made between American and European schools. We will no longer force our students who wish practical careers to grind through academic disciplines. This “modestly proposed” school can offer electives which can be taken across the three major academic areas. If a kid who is studying computer science wants to take acting, then he will be allowed to if his schedule can include it. Finally, changing “majors” will be allowed but might require a student to extend his or her senior year for a semester. I have dozens of thoughts on curriculum.
7. You can’t make such a drastic change in one summer. Three or four years will be needed to transition from the old to the new. During that transition period new curricula will be written based on faculty/administration/community input. The transition period will also be necessary for those teachers who simply can’t deal with the changes to find new careers or to retire.
8. I have dozens more ideas and suggestions for such a program, but this proposal is getting much too long. I think it also offers many ways to save money, but I’m not going to talk about that now. Let me simply restate my desire to make school an academic place, where you study and learn, be it plumbing or particle physics. Communities will also provide places to play and train and practice for weekends and during hours that school is not open.
9. This is my modest proposal. It does not attempt to deal with elementary education or special education. Feel free to go at it! Actually, I know it could never be achieved!

KUGGING

I created a portmanteau yesterday. I'm sure people have already created it, but I'm taking credit. If you've forgotten, a "portmanteau" is a combination of words both in sound and meaning as in "smog," which was created by combining the words "smoke" and "fog" to create something new. Yesterday I walked into the kitchen and kissed and hugged Linda at the same time. In my mind was born the portmanteau "kug," to kiss and hug together. I think it has great possibilities, and, in these busy times, it decreases our writing and speaking load. "Kiss and hug" requires 10 letters and two spaces. "Kug" only 3 letters. Possible uses? How about, "I hadn't seen her in years, and when I saw her across the room I immediately wanted to kug her." Or "I remember the night we got engaged, we were kugging constantly." Or "It's so embarrassing when my old Aunt Lavinia comes to visit and immediately wants to kug me." And instead of writing those silly x's and o's at the bottom of birthday cards, you can just write a couple of kugs. It'll probably take some time to get this term into general usage, but I know with your help, we can do it!! 1/26/12

SHAME AND THE ART OF NON-SMOKING

Almost 25 years ago today, I quit smoking cigarettes. I had smoked for about 20 years, sucking up a pack to a pack and a half a day. I wanted terribly to quit and vowed to before I turned 40. I made it with 6 months to spare. I wanted to quit because smoking cost so much, because it was bad for my health, because it made me stink, because it upset my parents, and because it wasn’t good for Linda or Jan. Those were all great motivators. But I have realized that the main reason I finally quit was that I was ASHAMED OF MYSELF. I was ashamed because I had spent 20 years addicted, a prisoner of tobacco. I was handcuffed to it. It went everywhere I went. It sometimes woke me up in the middle of the night and dragged me from bed. It wouldn’t let me watch a movie in peace or drink a cup of coffee without horning in. It made me stand outside with other folks also addicted, flipping our ashes onto butt-stained sidewalks, even if it was cold or raining or if the wind was at gale strength. And I knew that my friends who were not so addicted were both surprised at and sorry for my behavior. Damn, I was so ashamed for being prisoner of a habit that not only hurt me but hurt others, too.

So I stopped cold turkey. With prayer and determination and chewing on Nicorette gum, I survived the first tough 10 days. Then I tossed the Nicorette, which tasted disgusting and I was on my own. I have heard people say that quitting cigarettes is as difficult as quitting heroin. I don’t know if that is true, but it is really frickin’ hard. Though the physical need soon passes, the emotional addiction hangs on for years. For 4 or 5 years after I quit, I wished that they would discover that tobacco was good for you and that they would lower the cost of cigarettes to $.10 a pack so I could go back to my still missed addiction. For at least 15 years, and occasionally still, I smoked cigarettes in my dreams and was disgusted in those dream by my behavior. I find that to be really scary. I forgot to mention some little things, like the fact that for a year or so after I quit, I kept getting little sores inside my cheeks and on my gums. Our dentist explained it as having to do with bacteria that was in my system from the smoking. The bacteria wanted out, so it exited in lots of little canker-like sores. Eventually, I escaped the overtly emotional need I had to smoke, and began to hate cigarettes with the proverbial passion. I hate the smell, the look of them, and what they do to people.

There are a couple of other specific reasons I hate smoking. My Aunt Barbara and my Uncle Jerry, both smokers, died of lung cancer in their sixties. Barbara was my first friend. Jerry introduced me to theatre.

There is no place in my world for smoke. About 5 years ago, a virus attacked my heart, damaging it, and making it unable to pump the optimal amount of blood that it should, all the thousands of times it beats every day. When I first discovered I was sick, my heart was only moving about 28% of the blood in my heart per pump when it should be moving 55 to 60% per. Thank the Lord, great doctors, friends and family, it now pumps in the high 40 percents. Smoking didn’t do this to my heart. It was just the way of things. As a result though, I can’t visit nursing homes or hospitals regularly for fear of infection and such. Also, secondhand smoke is my enemy. I am supposed to avoid it absolutely, so I don’t want anyone to have a smoking lounge or smoking area anywhere in any public building that I might enter. And I am glad that smokers are forced to stand in little groups outside of buildings, pariah-like, away from non-smokers. And I hope you are ashamed. Don’t get me wrong. I am not ashamed of you. How could I be? I used to be there standing with you. I know how hard it is to give up that bastard tobacco. I’m not ashamed of you at all. I love you guys. . . even if I don’t know you! But I want you to be ashamed of yourselves, like I was, so that you can quit, too.

Well, people are saying, I wonder what got into Ellstrom’s craw to send him off on a diatribe. I’ll tell you. A couple of days ago, I got involved in a FB discussion about the new anti-smoking ads, which I don’t like because they are too graphic. I remember that when I was confronted by ads like that when I was smoking, that I had a little avoidance filter in my brain that immediately shut them out. I think gross ads are only scary for non-smokers and kids. I said that on FB and also mentioned that I was glad that people are forced to smoke in those “tawdry” outdoor groups. The earlier part of this blog explained why I feel that way. Well, I was immediately called out on FB about smoker’s rights. I don’t think there is a right to smoke just like there isn’t a right to take a little dose of arsenic everyday until it builds up and kills you. But I didn’t mind that. What bothered me was that a certain fellow who I have never met said, “Shaming people into anything is reprehensible.” I guess his mom never said, “Shame on you! Don’t you smear your finger paint all over your sister again.” When I took issue, he accused me of being “smug and self-satisfied,” suggesting that because I didn’t smoke, that I was feeling superior to others. So far from the truth. I look back on my quitting as a victory, but I far more often think about the foolish years I spent sucking cigarettes out in one of those “tawdry” little circles. So thanks, fella. Your comments got me to think about “Shame and the Art of Non- Smoking,” and to share my thoughts with some other people. Now, I hope some other people read it, because, as I said a week or so ago, to blog without having readers is like talking to oneself.

TEBOW IS NOT T.O.

Apparently After This Touchdown, Tim Decided to Go For Two!

(Sorry. I couldn't resist!)

I continue to be surprised at the number of perfectly sane and logical people, who are so upset with Tim Tebow's success. Perhaps its simply the American love for debunking. When our "heroes" behave too well, we want to knock them on their butts. As to Tebow's kneeling and acknowledging God, at least he's offering praise for a touchdown, 6 points. I remember when I was in high school that half the basketball playing male catholics in the Monroe County League used to cross themselves frantically prior to ever foul shot they took. Tebow takes heat for his touchdown kneel and heavenly pointing, yet nobody criticized those guys for asking for divine intervention on a 1 and 1.

I am reminded of the shack-like shed that protruded into the middle of Butler's backyard, the site of our neighborhood football field when I was a kid. Not unlike a referee, the shed was inbounds. Ergo, if a pass bounced off of it, it was still a live ball. This created receptions and interceptions by carom. The shed was even better used as a screen. If you could make it around left end before your pursuers, then you could dash as close to the shed as possible, hoping to use it an extra blocker, which was important when there were only 4 kids on each team. I'd like to think that at least once after a touchdown run, that I turned back and pointed to the shed, acknowledging its role in my success. But then that could raise discussion about the current bestseller titled "The Shack," and we'd be right back into a discussion of divine intervention again.