More on Beginnings and Endings

Pardon the print sizes in today's post. Even though I have made more than 100 entries, I still haven't figured out how to have a uniform print size when I copy text from my desktop, which I will be doing later in this blog. Maybe I'll get it right this time.

Yesterday, I wrote about the importance of first lines and last lines that Ellen Yeomans, the author and instructor at the Caz College class I am attending, discussed. Today, I brought out the first and last lines from two of my young adult novel manuscripts. The first first line is from TISHA AND THE GIANT, the manuscript I have blogged about a lot, and which I have been tuning and retuning for about 5 years. It's the story of a girl who is unaware that she is being stalked by a truly dangerous man. She is also being sort of stalked by a sophomore boy who has a crush on her. This is Kevin Conley, who calls himself the Giant. When the Giant realizes that a bad man is following Tisha, he takes it upon himself to protect her. I have always gone on the basis that the best way to begin a story is to just jump into it. Following that rule, TISHA began,

Tisha tore down the left side of the field. The temperature was 92 degrees under a blazing July sun, and her headband was plastered to her forehead.

Using Ellen Yeomans' suggestion that first sentences be true beginnings for a story, I expanded the opening and made intimations concerning the characters who would be important. The reference to TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD'S Boo Radley comes from part of the story where Tisha wishes she had a secret someone like Boo watching out for her. The result was. . .

Tisha wasn’t thinking about Boo Radley, and she’d never heard of a giant named Kevin Conley, when she tore down the left side of the field on that humid summer afternoon. The temperature was 92 degrees under a blazing July sun, and her headband was plastered to her forehead.

. . .and I like the change. It also ties nicely with the final lines of the novel as I had written them. Two hundred and ninety-seven pages later, I wrote:

Kevin knew that it hadn’t been Boo Radley at all protecting Tisha. It had been the GIANT.

The second set of lines come from NO, DUH! NO, DUH! was titled THE DAY IT HIT THE FAN last year. For the many years before that, it was called THIS DIFFERENT AUTUMN. The poor novel has been rewritten time and again. NO, DUH! is a simple story about a boy and a girl who belong together but have a tough time getting that way. I decided to keep these first and last lines as written because I think they do represent a completeness for the story. The first line actually begins with a chapter title, which rolls directly into the story text.

A Wednesday in Early October. . .

. . .which started for Pete with sunshine, birds singing, Indian Summer warmth, and a seat on the bus behind Maggie Dunlap and Amy Weller, the two girls at Hampton High that he thought were the absolute hottest.

The last line goes from Indian Summer to autumn cold and concludes Pete and Maggie's search to get together.

“Cold hands, warm hearts,” Pete said as they crossed the squeaky porch. Maggie bent and picked up Pete’s books. They paused for a moment for another careful kiss, then went inside, out of the cold autumn afternoon.

Right now I am working on ZOMBIES 'R' US, a novel about teenagers and zombies. My opening line was a pretty boring,

I woke up that morning at least ten minutes late.

Using Ellen Yeoman's suggestion and an idea of my own to begin the novel near the conclusion and then flashback to tell the story, I came up with the following opening which is a lot more exciting.

Jake’s head burst out of the cold, dark water, and he pulled the plastic bag from his clenched teeth so he could gulp in lungs full of air. Treading water in the underwater chamber, he was sure he had never been anywhere so completely dark, and his claustrophobic brain wanted him to scream or to dive back into the water from where he’d come. But he couldn’t because Kaitlyn was there in the darkness. And so was a zombie.

I'd tell you the final line, but I have a lot left to write.

If you've read this far, thanks for listening. I worry that my writing about writing won't be very interesting for others to read, but it is very important for me to do.

About the blonde at the top: I describe Tisha in TISHA AND THE GIANT as the blondest kid in the entire school. Not having any blondes around to photograph except Lucy, I googled "a very blonde girl." The result was a lot of pictures of Hayden Panetierre, several unidentified slutty looking towheads, and a whole selection of free Anime images. So the girl at the top is my cartoon Tisha. At one point in the book, her father is concerned about the shortness of a dress she is wearing. I think this might be the one.